Ground Zero

Sometimes I just don’t feel like doing anything but staying right where I am, consuming the oxygen I require, closing my eyes and drifting away, thinking, feeling. This is one of those moments. The odd thing is that they don’t usually happen when I feel sad, which would be the logical thing.

Today was the first day of my sixth semester, more than halfway through Systems engineering which sounds already like a life time. I still remember my first day on ITESM, walking towards the German class, laughing with her, who is now known as the girlfriend, going to the then current girlfriend’s house after school, day after day until I broke up with her.

And then, making my way through insignificant subjects loaded on nothing useful, boring and else. Taking classes on automatic mode, wishing for the day to end to go to her house only, of course, after making sure nothing was too suspicious, lying everyday to be able to see her.

A lot has happened since then. Success, failure, tears of courage and sadness, the hope of new adventures to live, the joy of a warm welcome, the cold of an unseen farewell, the uncertainty of what was going to happen next, the drift of just letting go and trying not to get hit by anything, the smiles while dreaming of becoming the hope of the future, the power risen from nowhere to stop drifting and mercilessly do whatever must be done in order to succeed, the promise of fighting against the current, the compromise of blood and the abandoning of anything involving fear.

The courage in me that I didn’t even know existed.

Peach

Years ago, I was eating a peach. It’s been ages, literally. Maybe even more than half of my life. I was too lazy to throw it’s nut away, so I dug a hole in the big flowerpot up there and buried it. Even though my whole intention was not to plant a peach, I thought it would actually be funny.

Days later, I was eating another peach. I remembered the peach I had dug days before and decided to bury another one. Then another one. Time went by and no one noticed, but a small plant arose. At the beginning no one knew how a plant ended up there. I then realized it was one of my peach’s nuts I had buried months before.

Even though peaches are not supposed to grow in flowerpots, my peach grew healthy. It’s not more than a miniature peach tree, and it probably won’t ever be much more than that. In all these years it has scarcely grown more and has never given a single peach. Even though, it does bloom each spring.

That little peach was the only survivor after Meggane arrived home, seven years ago. Not even those plants in huge flowerpots survived. 60 Kilogram flowerpots. She just loved the idea of destruction.

That little peach makes me think in a ton of stupid things. I planted it without fully realizing that one day it would make my home’s main entrance more pleasant. Kind of makes me want to leave more seeds laying around. Perhaps something good will pop out of it, just like my little peach.

Sometimes, nice things come out of actions you didn’t even think that would have an impact towards life. Living with those random patterns is something I don’t usually do, but I guess I’ll just try. Maybe it’s time to stop calculating every possible outcome of every single situation.

Maybe it’s time to let go and just enjoy the moment. Guess I’ll try and leave seeds around, wherever I go. As long as one day I find out that one of those seeds I left on my way ended up being something nice, it’ll be worth it.